Well I just spent over a week riding the scanxiety roller coaster. What’s that you say?
Scan- CT, MRI, PET, X-Ray.. those ordered when you’re having symptoms that are concerning or a provider who orders them as part of standard care.
Anxiety- that overwhelming feeling of doom, panic and fear. Or maybe that’s just my interpretation!
I went to an ENT due to my dizziness and hearing loss. The hearing test showed more hearing loss in my left ear than previously. I’m sure my family can attest to that! After my hearing test I was ushered in a room to meet with the physician. He was very thorough in his exam as well as explaining to me the next steps and what each step/test was trying to ascertain. Things in your ears to make very loud noises to check fluid levels in my ear. I felt momentarily like a car- fluid levels?? Another test to induce dizziness and oh yes an MRI.
Up until he said MRI I was calmly listening. After he said MRI all I heard was my Cancer Hamster start up his wheel. Why? Because he said the word “tumor” and “given your breast cancer history”. Also because CLAUSTROPHOBIA! Have you seen those MRI tubes?!?
So I scheduled the two tests and waited to hear from the scheduler for the MRI. I then managed to put it in the recesses of my brain until I actually heard from the scheduler. I did get them to send me to an Open MRI since the imaging on those has come leaps and bounds. As soon as we hung up I heard that damn squeak of the wheel. After I looked at the “open” MRI it became a battle of “oh my god they put a cage over your head and there’s only 6″ of clearance” and “what if it’s Mets?!?!?”
That call from scheduling came on Monday. MRI was Friday.
Luckily for me my daughter was available to take me to my MRI so I could medicate myself 😛. Gotta love Colorado.
After surviving the imaging, I then had to get through waiting for the results. You know from Friday until today. Because Monday they weren’t in the local office. Finally at 10:30 this morning I caved and left a very clear, calm and concise voice mail that had one read between the lines, you’d know I was a pot of barely contained anxiety.
Now I had been told that if my MRI was clear the medical assistant would call and if there were issues the physician would call. So you could imagine my elation when the MA called me. Not that it didn’t stop me from asking her twice that the image was clear!
I’m tired from this last roller coaster ride. Now I’m just walking the tightrope of life of a survivor again. Oh wait- that will always include the roller coaster rides.
As always #FuckCancer