I met a woman a few days ago while I was out shopping for a few things. We fell into conversation over mutual hot flashes despite the fact it was 24 degrees out!! She made mention hers was due to a hysterectomy. I told her mine was for the same reason….then she told me she did it to herself because she’s BRCA1 positive. So of course we talked about cancer. She hasn’t had a prophylactic double mastectomy because she’s afraid of the pain. I told her it was nothing compared to going through chemo. She asked me about my cancer. So she got a brief rundown of Metaplastic Breast Cancer. At the end of it she told me I looked great for going through that. “Thank you!” then we parted. It left me thinking about her being afraid of a DMX and having to have breast MRI’s every 6 months to see if she was cancer free. Of her oncologist telling her to do the mastectomy and her reluctance to do it. So I found her again and asked her if she minded if I gave her my 2 cents worth. Lol like what’s she going to say? Anyhow, I told her that had I known my BRCA1 one status I would’ve had the double and the hysterectomy. That I would’ve done it in a heartbeat to avoid the cancer in the first place instead of having it and having to fight for my life. Instead of living with being slowly stalked by a beast that wants to kill me. I told her you too are being stalked but you can avoid being pounced on. I told her that it isn’t “fight the cancer and go back to your normal” life, that there’s no going back after standing in front of a killer and going after it with all that you have. I brought up my BRCA1 positive daughter who is going to have the surgeries because “the surgeries would be better than what I watched my mom go through with chemo”. She thanked me and told me I’d given her lots to think about. I really hope she does. We all know the specter of cancer is frightening to think of but I also know we’d all go back if we could to never have had it in the first place. To be free of being oh so slowly, stealthily stalked by the C-beast. To be free of what chemo does to our bodies. The ravages of a toxin being pumped into us. The scanxiety and the fear.
I feel like prey every time my body gives me shit, makes me feel like shit. I see you there from my perch up on the high wire. I feel you making me sway as I desperately try to keep my balance.
As always #FuckCancer