Looking down into a tiny face I’ve seen before some 26 years ago, my eyes fill with tears at the wonder and joy of him. His little noises and beautiful eyes swamp me with a love so big it shatters my heart. For so many years I’ve longed to hold you little one. To see your parents in you, to see some spark that is me. Carried on for another generation, there I am. My children’s children and their children, I will go on. As I hold you, I stand defiant against the odds I’ve been handed. Somewhere in the confetti of photos, ultrasounds, appointments and finally your birth, I stopped drowning in the fears every ache, pain, dizziness and fatigue brings of what may loom before me. Walking the tightrope of ignorance and logic. Between the illogical and facts. The constant swaying of that rope is the dance that is my life.
He reminds me to live life right now, out loud and to tell the fear to go to hell.
#FuckYouCancer. I hate you.