Finding joy

As another sister has had a MpBC recurrence and now lives in Stage 4 land, it’s all the more reason to find joy wherever one can. As other survivors know, sometimes the ongoing side effects from treatment, despite being completed )in my case 9 months ago), wreak havoc on a daily basis. Still, despite this we are grateful to be waking every morning. To see the sunrise on another day. To be joyful in knowing we’ve been granted precious time. Time is finite and precious for us all. Not everyone appreciates that. Sometimes not even a survivor can. From whatever they survived from. Life has a way of making one forget so you resort to bitching about the unimportant, the inane. You fail to appreciate what matters the most. What matters the most is different for everyone. In my case it’s always been my family- I have not always proven that to be true with my mistakes but I am, after all, only a flawed being. Now is all that matters, the past cannot be changed. In the now, I marvel at the continuity of my genes in the form of my grandson. How do you find so much joy and love in a little life you’ve yet to hold in your arms? His very existence brings me untold joy and hope. I see in him his mother’s little grimaces she once made as a newborn, I see his father and the love that created him. I’ve learned to think positively since his birth regarding my health. My most precious gift my daughter has given me has brought me a hope I’ve been afraid to allow in.

It’s so easy to let fear rule.

Joy lies in what you choose to see. It’s easy to see the dark. The ugly. Fear is a darkness that the light of joy will battle with hope.

I wish you all Joy and Hope.

As always, #fuckcancer

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2 Comments

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  1. Fuck fear, too. Cancer = fear embodied within us. We have the ugliest stage of cancer, yet we sometimes find ourselves afraid to live. Maybe that’s how we define “stage fright” – fear of living and more pain because of stage 4 cancer. LOL. I’m on a bad insomnia streak of four nights running – week off of Ibrance and I think my body is so busy building my new little lymphocytes and all the other -cytes it is too excited!

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