Bad things….good people

I’ve never really understood why awful things happen to good people. I had a awful, abusive childhood. Then I married a monster. Not that I knew it at the time. I ended up a single parent to my four awesome kids. When it was finally time for me, I get handed a diagnosis of a rare and aggressive breast cancer. Well….that’s really fucked up. I’m a good person. I did good things, treated people right, gave where I could and busted my ass supporting my family. I know good people who have such rotten luck in life it makes you wonder what is wrong with this picture? When you’re diagnosed with a life threatening beast you wonder, why me? Oh and it’s so easy to spiral down that dark path of self pity. It happened throughout my treatment and happens now as a survivor. Why now? Oh you know….odds. Percentages. Lingering side effects.

It’s so unfair. I know I know, that’s life.

Fuck that.

As always #fuckcancer



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  1. Followed your blog today after digging into the WordPress blogosphere during a fine evening of insomnia. Ran across yours, I’m a Gator / UF Alum and cannot imagine the WWF smackdownr of a hot flash combined with a post afternoon shower with quick backups of sunshine that really gets a humidity slap in the face to hit harder. I’ve metastatic breast cancer and check out my blog, if you have a few. Experiencing many of the same things, cancer gives us similar language sets to draw from in our writing. I miss Gainesville, Miami Beach, Hollywood, Ft. Lauderdale…and all the nut rolls who seem to migrate there over time, but alas I moved 14 odd years ago to the Bay Area of Northern California. It’s cooler (temperature) yet so uncool (Friends disappeared upon cancer notification.) anyway Good to meet you under shit circumstances,
    Fuck Cancer,
    PS Napoleon Bonaparte Broward notorious governor of yesteryear famous for building the Florida intracoastal waterway and infamous for wanting to drain the Everglades, allegedly said, “Screens and air conditioning ruined Florida,” by enabling Yankees to handle the skeeters and the heat. Oh, I miss skeeters big buscuits, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Love your blog- I found myself nearly late for work getting caught up in it. Your style of writing to get out all the bullshit that is this monster. Cancer does give us a common language and doesn’t that just suck ? I’m originally from the Bay Area in California. Miss it but love Colorado now. I was so glad to get away from Florida and all the muggy crap it entails. I go back though still have family there.
      Glad you found me.
      Fuck Cancer,

      Liked by 1 person

      • God thank you for your feedback. It really does mean a lot to me seeing something more than an echo in the blogosphere. It’s a conversation we are having I hope, not a one way broadcast. I’ve turned to poetry to fill the void, rather than personal essay. It feels as though I’m silently barfing out to splatter my anonymous readership with my frustrations, dark humor, anger, and sadness. So thank you.

        It sucks out loud to need a common language for an insidious and very tricky common disease. Cancer isn’t a person, a pet, a friend (I detest that idea). It’s not a fight, a war, or me living in a new normal. There’s nothing normal about an epidemic that’s treated still by such violently medieval methods like radical mastectomies and hysterectomies. Our identities shift in so many ways, and gender becomes the least of my worries, while I cling to femininity like a cliff off of which I’m falling. I’m living with, and trying to not die from metastatic cancer. I hate it. It’s so fucked up I want to hurt people who say, huh, you don’t look like you have cancer (read with mocking sarcasm).

        Well back to taking it easy after I overdid my afternoon post outpatient treatment for another ascites drain. Yeah! Please sirs, can I have some more?
        Fuck Shitty Stupid Annoying Rude Ugly Cancer,

        Liked by 1 person

      • I posted earlier on my Facebook Metaplastic page about PTSD and cancer patients. Non cancer patients seem to think everything is back to status quo once hair starts growing back in. They belittle our lingering side effects with but you look great! Or other inane banalities.

        Yes indeed fuck cancer.

        Liked by 1 person

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