Attitude of Gratitude 

Hmmmmm not always an easy thing to have in the midst of surviving breast cancer treatments….or afterwards for that matter. One of the other Metaplastic ladies linked a blog talking about being a survivor but feeling sad. No one talks about after. How though really deep down you’re very likely to feel happy to be alive but by the same token you’re battling depression and/or anxiety. Attitude of Gratitude….what, I’m supposed to feel grateful that I got cancer in the first place? Gratitude that I lost my breasts? Gratitude that my entire life changed? That I lost friends?  Ok it’s not all negative…I am grateful to be alive. To breathe crisp fall air and see the changing of leaves. To put my hands on my daughters belly and feel the life she and her hubby created. To know I’ll soon be holding my first grandson. I’ve gained new friends and a new motto- “I’ll figure it out”. So negative and positive just like any other life altering adventure. Only this one has the cancer hamster as I call the little shit of a train of thought, (you know, hamster on a damn squeaky wheel!!) that runs constantly in the background. 

The Cancer Hamster. He should be a rail thin little bastard for as much as he runs amok (amok amok amok) in my head. What to do about you Mr. Hamster? I’ve learned to listen to positive things in my ear….music (doesn’t always work-sometimes Cancer Hamster just dances instead), upbeat or informative talks on TED, or a favorite movie. Positive affirmations for letting go of worry helps too. Meditation is tough these days but I made a deal with my therapist to do it. Oh yeah….that helps too. 

The biggest thing is you have to take steps to help yourself by reaching out to either professionals or fellow survivors. Depression and anxiety or fear don’t just go away without your active participation. That’s speaking from experience from prior to getting MpBC. I have really good days and really bad ones. I adjust my sails and keep going. 

I’m always here for others who need it. That helps me too to help others going through this. I promise I’m not always Debbie Downer or overly obnoxiously cheerful 😜

As always…. #FuckCancer

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