Well, I’m nearly a week out from my surgeries. One that put me into the Flat and Fabulous club and the other to keep ovarian cancer away.
When I woke up in recovery the first thing I remember was asking for lip balm. My lips were so dry. I’m pretty sure I harassed those poor nurses that lip balm should be a requirement in recovery 😂. My daughter came in to see me. My poor exhausted girl who’d works as a nurse herself needed to get home to sleep, visited me in recovery as well as my other family that was there.
When I was finally awake enough, I took a peek under my gown….my chest was completely covered in bandages with those lovely JP drains one on each side. I didn’t have much time to contemplate my new flat self as my damn post anesthesia nausea and vomiting kicked in. Yuck. Ouch.
The next morning my GYN visited first. He gave me the good news that he saw nothing unusual during surgery and all my tissue had been sent out to pathology and as long as my plastics doc gave the go ahead, I could go home. Next came my plastic surgeon. He removed my bandages since I didn’t need “all those bandages.” He advised me he did the best he could removing the Alloderm and making me as flat as possible and that I could go home to recuperate.
As soon as he walked out of the room, I got up and took a look at myself in the mirror. I still had strips of gauze over the sutures on my chest. But I was flat. It didn’t look much different as I’d never been a busty girl, but it felt better and it felt right. No more hard edges and hard, unmoving implants. Just me.
I finally put on a shirt that wasn’t pajamas a few days ago. It fits differently, obviously 😜. I currently am not interested in wearing a bra and stuffing it with anything to give others the illusion that I have breasts. Maybe at some point stuffing will be required if I’ve got to wear a particular dress for a special occasion. Or maybe not.
It goes back to the previous post that I am not the sum of my parts. I am me just as I am. These scars tell the story of the past 10 months. They only show you the changes on the outside. Those changes on the inside…I think only those closest to me know those changes. How differently I view myself, my life, the world around me, and my future.
I’m looking forward to being completely healed physically.
As always #FuckCancer