Some 6 months or more before being diagnosed with cancer, I had finally come off of Zoloft for depression associated with my PTSD. Then comes the diagnosis. A week after, I was back on Zoloft with the addition of Klonopin for anxiety and panic. The doctor told me it should help with the monster mood swings that can come with forced menopause caused by chemo and my upcoming hysterectomy. Not to mention the depression and anxiety that comes with having cancer.
I haven’t had too many bad mood swings. But some days I wake up in a full on depression. I’m not consciously aware of what I’m dwelling on to cause it though let’s be realistic- it’s the cancer, the fight, the prognosis of my life. The anxiety kicks in anytime there’s a pain or I have to have another test. Or when one of my MpBC sister has a mestasis. I feel pain for them mixed in with anxiety. But nothing will stop me from being there to support them and the newly diagnosed. We understand each other.
I fight to stay “in the moment” as much as I can. I’ve come to terms with many things regarding this stupid fucking rare cancer, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Not to mention chemo induced menopause is a bitch. Menopause is pretty horrible. Hot flashes that could easily melt an iceberg. Sleeplessness. Oh and of course depression and anxiety. Heart racing anxiety ☹️
So if ever you run across someone battling cancer remember this- sometimes they just need you to bring a little sunshine into their dark world. Or ice cream because you know, ice cream 🙃
As always- #FuckCancer